The "Troubled" Child

My life has been everything but ordinary. I’m writing this to not only express myself and show how I’ve changed over the years, but to send a little inspiration your way. If I’m 16 and have made it this far after everything that’s happened in my life and still pull through, anyone can. Personally, I needed a push. God was that push for me. He’s changed me, and I know he can change even the most stubborn people you know. Or yourself, for that matter. Here’s my testimony, take it or leave it. The choice is yours. :)

November 30th, 1995 - I was born to a teenage mother and father. Things were rocky from the beginning. My mother was struggling with everyday problems, as well as a newly created one: me. To this day, she promises I’m not a mistake. For a long time, I didn’t believe her. I thought I had screwed both her life and mine up simply by being alive. Everyone says that sounds crazy, but in the moment, it sounded perfectly sane.

My mother wasn’t always the best mom I could’ve had. Don’t get me wrong, I love her. I have to, she’s my mother, you know? Anyways, my mother wasn’t really fit for a child yet. A few months passed, and I went into foster care. My father was nowhere to be seen, from what people tell me. I still think he’s a good guy; it just wasn’t the right time to have a baby, obviously. I don’t blame him at all, to be honest. I actually love him a lot. He doesn’t really stay in touch with me anymore. I wish that would change, but you can’t always have what you want. That’s at least one thing I’ve learned in life.

My mother and father signed off on me to foster care. It was a smart choice. They couldn’t handle me. No worries though, it’s cool now. I lived with a few people throughout those months, and eventually I was placed with a family who provided for me and made sure I was loved and cared for. I was raised pretty well. I don’t always agree with my parents’ teachings, but what child does? I was adopted and had a lot of foster sisters in and out of the house, and one sister who had been adopted before me became someone I got to grow up alongside. I got blessed big time.

I was always a troubled child. I was angry a lot. I could throw one sweet fit, and believe me, I did too. When I heard the word “NO”, it instantly triggered a fit. I was always being grounded or whatever was needed. If I didn’t get what I wanted, I’d scream and cry. My counsellors say that was because from a young age I had to scream to get what I wanted or no one would listen. My biological mum would leave me in a crib and cry, so when I wanted something, I’d do anything and everything to get it.

Holidays were the worst for me. I did not know my biological family until I was 12. It always killed me inside knowing that I couldn’t be with my “real” family. I’d cry and cry until I couldn’t stand the headache crying gave me. When I was 10, my parents put me into counselling. It didn’t help. They tried medicating me, but that didn’t work either. The doctor I had was a major jerk and wouldn’t listen to me at all.

At one point, I felt so down that I took more of my prescribed medication than I should have. I immediately became frightened and panicked about what I had done. I couldn’t face my mum or dad, so I called a suicide hotline. I was transported to the hospital and received treatment. I later had two more incidents involving my medication, and eventually I was admitted to a psychiatric treatment program. I was terrified. I was there for 10 days.

When I got out, they had me on new medication that seemed to be working at least a little bit. I was still distraught and had a lot of blowups even after all that. It was a mess. When I was 12, my behaviour became increasingly violent and I would threaten people. Judge as you want. I’ve overcome that, so while you’re shaking your head, you must know that this story ends good at least, so hang on.

My parents were forced to call the police, and this happened several more times. I spent time in a detention centre each time. The longest I ever spent there was 90 days, but that wasn’t the first time I had been there for that long.

I don’t want to bore you with all the details of detention and all that jazz. If you know me now, you’d be shocked at the person I was a year and a half ago. Yes, I still have bad days where I just want to sleep and let the world leave me alone. Those days are barely evident anymore. I love my life now.

I’m a Christian and want to be a missionary someday. God REALLY DOES move people. I’ve got five more days, then I’m off papers for good. I’m going to the Tech Center next year and taking college courses. I’ll have my associate degree when I graduate high school. Crazy, right?

Love should be shown without pretending. Hate evil, and hold on to what is good.

With TONS of love & thanks,
Arica